What Have I Done?

This one goes in a situation where the creature questions the creator about how and why he loses, so much so that he is lost and left with nothing but the love of some. The loss irreversible, the mind so confused and thoughts so off, that he complaint and begs for no more.

Why am I losing?
Why am I needing?
Why am I not holding?
Why am I not myself?

What have I done?
ripped off my happiness,
when I owned nothing
you denied everything,
Now I don't have anything
but still??
Am I the pawn in the game ov chess?

Why am I losing it all??

And still I lose, and I still I lose,
How much more be by question,
why so much suppression???

If there was a first ray of dawn,
it was her,
If there was a fresh breeze in despair,
it was her,
if there was a hope in this devoid life,
it was her,
If there was a light in the dark,
it was her,
if there was sense, in this worldly nonsense,
it was her,
if there was love, in the world full of hatred,
it was her,
if there was a meaning to my life, in all the mean times,
it was her,
If there was a hug to my needing arms,
it was her,
If there was a shoulder to my hues,
it was her,
If there was a smile ov my lips,
it was her,
If there was an eye to my tears,
it was her,
If there was a strength to my loss,
it was her,
if there was a life to death,
it was her.

When I lost her, I dint complain
When I was accused, I dint complain
When I was destroyed, I dint complain
When I was humiliated, I dint complain
When I was made to cry, I dint complain
When they were made to laugh, I dint complain
when they were made to blv I am weak, I dint complain
When they plotted and planned, I dint complain
When they played dirty, I dint complain
Even when they wrecked havoc, I dint complain

When she was mine, when everything was fine,
when we followed a perfect line,
when we walked, leaving a shine
then we smiled like a rainbow refine.

Weren't you always divine?
Will not you always be divine?
Is this the anger thine???

She was, thence denied!

No complaints, my forte pride.

Loyalty you expect, how much be my question,
I always strive, and so did my confession,
and still why, so much ov suppression?

And still I lose, and I still I lose,
How much more be by question,
why so much suppression???

You snatched my soul,
You snatched my being,
You saddened me to extremes,
You ripped my heart,
You embarassed me,
You snatched even her,

no complaints, my forte pride!

And still I lose, and I still I lose,
How much more be by question,
why so much suppression???

How and why would you expect me to be quiet??

Neither have I asked you to prove your worth,
Nor have I asked you to vent your anger,
Neither I ever dared to question your might
Nor have I dreamed of life without acknowledging your oneness,
Neither I've ever not remembered you,
Nor I've planned not to,
Neither I've asked none to part their ways from your way,
Nor I've done it myself,
Neither I've not bowed down to you in worship,
Nor I've failed to ask you for help
Neither I've asked none but you,
Nor I will ask none but you


And still I lose, and I still I lose,
How much more be by question,
why so much suppression???

And even then,

When I was learning to love, you crippled my heart
When I was dreaming the lovely nights, you blackened my vision
When I was gazing at the twinkles, you obscured the stars
When I was learning to talk, you quietened me
When I was learning to hear, you quiescent the sings
When I was learning to witness, you vanished the signs
When I was loving the bloom, you brooded the thorns
When I was needing her love, you left me bleeding

and

When I was waiting, you kept me waiting and waiting
and waiting
and waiting

And for all that I deserved,
you just let me breathe 17,
as if my life was supposed to be,
the one unseen.

And still I lose, and I still I lose,
How much more be by question,
why so much suppression???

I still need her to be with me,

need her to be with me,
need her to smile at me
need her to swear at me,
need her to cry with me,
need her to laugh at me,
need her to talk to me,
need her to walk with me,
need her to lie to me,
need her to smile at me,
smile at me,
smile at me,
smile at me,
and
smile at me...

Where my God?
where??
Why??
When??
When??
Why??
Why??
Please, please please, P L E A S E!